where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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