her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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