Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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