i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
