just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
