I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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