You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
