Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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