What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
