I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
