those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
