This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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