When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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