I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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