I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
