My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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