I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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