If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize