Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
