Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is the high leading the old right now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
