just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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