i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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