This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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