No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
