I will die if light touches me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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