So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
