Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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