p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
