Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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