I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
