I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize