She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
