I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
