i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
