so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
