yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
