I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
