Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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