I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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