"it" just moved
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
