Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
