It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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