Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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