you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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