Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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