you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
