Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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