k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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