I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
love makes seman taste better
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize