Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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