allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
