I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
