Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
