He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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