If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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