My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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