so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
