She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
