Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize