literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
