Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize