Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
