I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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