i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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