At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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