The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
