My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
