Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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