Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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