We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
