I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
