Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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