DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and she was petting her beer can
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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