He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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