I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
