my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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