If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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