I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
