yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want a musical about memes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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