Im at strip club and am horny
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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