Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
