Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
