google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
