Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
