He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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