..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
