Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
