Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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