The maid of honor just puked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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