You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
His nipple licking is glorious
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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