I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
