And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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