Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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