Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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