Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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