just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
