I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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