his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
