Soap is not a condiment
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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