My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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