He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
